February 25, 2026
T.S. Eliot wrote "This is the way the world ends, Not with a bang but a whimper." We expect a sound to accompany any collapse, an ending, a grand finale - but little did we know that the sound of end the US military superpower would be the sound of a weak flush.
Shockingly, or predictably, or even shockingly predictably, we discover there is a terrible toilet problem on the USS Gerald R. Ford. This carrier is the newest and most expensive warship ever built, at $13 Billion 2017 dollars, $17 Billion in today's fiat. Among its many innovations, a vacuum-sewage system was adopted from the cruise ship industry, with pipes too narrow to accomplish their military mission.
The USS Gerald Ford recently finished a strenuous, if imaginary, narcoterror operation in the Caribbean, and at this moment, is in the Mediterranean Sea attempting to join the massive US sea and air forces buildup vis a via Iran. Israel wants to decapitate Iran, and Washington want to please Israel despite the political and strategic risk to Trump's legacy, and desire to avoid a third, fourth and fifth impeachment in 2027. American blood and resources will be Iranian targets if Trump or Netanyahu start shooting off more than just their gum flappers.
The Ford missed its scheduled R and R in Norfolk, and with it, the needed repairs to the sewage system, among other routine and planned maintenance.
Here's some of the reporting:
the three big issues are: Ship designers simply didn't plan on enough commodes for the size of the crew on the ship. This means 45-minute waits on a good day. The second issue is that the way the plumbing system is designed, if one valve for one toilet breaks down in that hinky vacuum collection system, all the toilets in that department stop working. The third problem is that most of the critical repair operations to the system can only be done when the ship is at port.
Here is a video with a 2-minute overview.
The design engineers and bureaucrats behind the sewage crisis and the long lines throughout the carrier, did their math, and surely thought of everything. They cannot be held accountable, and won't be. 5000 people, floating around the world on a massive carrier, might as well be on a pleasant cruise, as long as they avoid the random collision or swerve to avoid a drone. The psychology of defecation was probably not considered, nor the impact on young people of unexpectedly extended tours.
T-shirts and mop heads are finding their way into the pipes, and the proper explanation is sailors are attempting to declog these post-modern shit-suckers, but a bit of old fashioned rage and frustration may also play a part. The average age on the flight deck is 19, and overwhelmingly male; life on a carrier is uniquely stressful under the best of conditions and these are not.
Rumsfeld, whose first term as Secretary of Defense came courtesy of President Ford, famously said you go to war with the army you have. As Secretary of War, Hegseth may have a corollary for the crew of the USS Gerald Ford. The Pentagon did not, and cannot, send an army to the Middle East this time; Iran has read the tea leaves correctly, and has the real capability and intent to cause severe damage if attacked. The Secretary of War's message to the sailors on the Ford, in a time of long lines and no flushes, might be " The power of prayer is real." I agree with Hegseth, but praying the poop away might be a bridge too far.
In all seriousness, we have watched the American military and its associated political, industrial, and academic complexes grow more rapidly than any other sector of government spending, with no visible coherence or accountability. Voices for decades have been literally screaming for it to make sense - and often showing the way to a better military, one that citizens can be proud of, rather than astounded by its waste and stupidity, and worried that it is truly and ineffective and despicable waste of American treasure and America's youth.
In Pete Hegseth's world, generals and admirals are valued by their weight and muscle tone, not their seriousness in defending the Constitution. Personal loyalty to the president with a Ken or Barbie shine trumps courage, competence, and patriotism every day of the week. Yet, these guys are not responsible for bad sewage design on an aircraft carrier, F-35s that are only operational 35% of the time, a slow, expensive, discombobulated logistics tail for every major American weapons system, or for US foreign policy founded on the nutty idea that we can borrow our way into permanent global dominance. They perpetuate it because, like their predecessors, they are not interested in how the system works, only in how it can work for them.
The US imperial stage is ending. It is lovely time to think outside the box, to imagine what could be, what might be, and how we might arrive at our post-imperial phase in one piece, peaceful, empowered, and free.
The long lines to the head on the USS Gerald Ford on its way to a stupid war no one wants or needs will engender thousands of conversations, story-telling, venting, and reflections on imperial wantonness and political stupidity. Let's hope this is the worst that happens to them.