By Ilana Mercer
August 11, 2026
HOLISTIC BEAUTY, natural and built, a place where "the architecture" is "fully integrated" into the landscape: This is something "real estate developer"-cum-explorer Ivanka Trump knows all about.
Or, so Mrs. Kushner tells us, in a misty promotional production, in which viewers are tutored about the person, Narcissus herself, and the new "developments" she is pursuing, personal and material. A friendly podcast serves as Barbie Trump's vanity press. Its title: " Ivanka Trump on Building an Authentic Life. "
As in the story of Narcissus in Greek mythology, we have here malignant narcissism, cruelty, as well as a body of water. But it's all terribly pretty, you understand.
Ivanka's plot (as in scheme) is in the same vein as other assets and investment holdings in the Trump-Kushner crime family's real-estate portfolio, in which Exhibit One is Gaza.
Late in January of 2026, husband Jared Kushner, a criminally acquisitive, empty husk of a man in his own right, presented a slide show in Davos even more garishly hideous than father-in-law's earlier iteration of the production dubbed the Gaza Plan. The milieu was as ugly as any Trump family venture, or gathering, or trashy cotton-candy colored " couture."
Kushner's Master Slave Plan for Gaza-a cover for genocide, much as is the family's Board of Peace he oversees-was presented before some of the world's wealthiest men, all parading their greed for the property of the poorest, most-imperiled people in the world, the Palestinians.
Barbie's sepia-tinted podcast presentation of the plans for the uninhabited Sazan Island, off the coast of Albania, involve conquest and usurpation, but of a better variety.
Like south Lebanon, currently being pulverized by the terrorist state, Israel, which the couple canonizes and runs cover for- Gaza before the Holocaust was quite beautiful, certainly unique . It was a quaint community with a character and a history, some of it ancient. All of it well reflected in its public spaces . Like south Lebanon, Gaza had nothing of the vulgar gilt of the Trump White House and ballroom, or of Ivanka's many darling, dinky "little" pads.
As to the kitschy interior of the mystery "friend's boat": It relates to the "authentic" Gaza or South Lebanon as a centuries-old church relates to a methodist, big-tent revival pavilion. "Authentic" is another adjective Barbie Trump has appropriated to telegraph her essence.
Did I not dilate on Ivanka's friend's "boat" ? My bad. Back to the more material aspects of the first daughter's otherworldly quest:
Nat Rothchild's superyacht, " Planet Nine," is obscenely lavish-almost long enough for a 100-meter dash, it has space for two, eight-seater, explorer helicopters onboard, a helipad, a "surround cinema," spas, desalination facility (the kind bosom buddies of the Kushners destroyed in Gaza), elevator to get you to all 5 levels, a "3,000-square-foot owner's apartment," and respectable ice classification.
The Kushners were sailing on this "friend's boat," as Mrs. Kushner relayed , when-Lo!-the acquisitive habit overpowered their conjugal happiness. Embarrassing.
Overcome-and fresh from pillage and rapine in Gaza-the insatiable lovebirds hit on a way to keep their urges in check. First order of business was to cool off. Unlike Narcissus, the two did not come to harm. They allegedly0 jumped off "the boat," and proceeded to swim to an Albanian Island that beckoned in the offing.
If Americans are silly enough to dismiss Ivanka's killer credentials and cultivate scented memories of her, which is what she craves, I urge that searing doubts be put aside in favor of the certainty of 2017. It was then that the first daughter had nagged daddy into strafing Syria. All for The Kids, she claimed. After all, Mrs. Kushner has always been "super mission-driven," to use another of her phrases. She speaks and thinks in cliches. Brother Eric Trump confirmed: "Sure, Ivanka influenced the Syria strike decision."
Truth be told, Ivanka is not new to the dark arts. She was as valuable to Trump's first administration as Laura Loomer and the Israel über alles crowd are to the second. Ivanka has certainly been the driving force behind that androgynous, anemic, shrimp, Jared. Her dilemma, however, is this: The first daughter is delighted to have power, but not at the cost of popularity. Ivanka prefers that husband Jared draw the public's radiating disapproval away from herself, leaving his wife safely antiseptic. Jared and Ivanka, of course, are twin spirits in every way-both are cunning and coldhearted and not too bright.
What Ivanka lacks in cerebral agility and a sense of propriety, she makes up in swimming prowess. Boy, can the two, husband and wife, swim to sate their greed. Or, as Ivanka put it , she likes it when people "swing for things." Well, Ivanka and Jared swung for Sazan.
Albania is abuzz over Ivanka's "incubated," "super mission-driven," "spring-out-of-bed," "daunting"-in-size plot for their one-and-only loved and protected Island. (The other crap words are Ivanka's.)
Albanians want the flamingos to stay and the Kushners to fuck off.
The acquisitive couple was helped not at all by Ivanka's affectatious video attempt to cast her land grab in that country as a return to some primordial, wholesome way of life. (The sibilance of her enunciation might be because of the outsized chicklet veneers in her mouth.)
Ok, "think" is too ambitious a verb to attach to anything Ivanka and Jared. Nevertheless, Barbie Trump believes that people like you and me have a secret yen to live on a one-of-a-kind, pilfered Albanian island. And she's going to show us how it's done.
As to the aesthetics of Project Authenticity ( images shared look positively fungal): It's fair to say that the only spots in the universe more packed with toxic waste than Gaza are the faces and minds of The Don's family and their loyalists. A look at the Kushner couple and at Laura Loomer, Trump's other prized, plasticky adviser (who was actually once pretty)-and one thinks Madame Tussauds, the wax museum founded in London in 1835. The three, the Kushners and The Loomer, belong in the museum's Chamber of Horrors section.
No, Ivanka; the great mass of us would like to live as far from toxic Barbie and her beau, their sticky paws and sticky-sweet presentations and performances.
Sorry to say, but Ivanka is an idiot, as is her husband subpar in every way possible. They both come from crime families. The Don, Trump, has made a present to Israel of everything Palestinians and Lebanese own. His idiot progeny's "humanitarian concerns" have revolved around the return of Israeli hostages and assorted acts of solidarity in Israel, alongside Witkoaf and the other oaf, Jared. Trump's daughter "thinks" she can porcelainize her own crimes and those of her husband by appealing to an ostensibly earthy quest we all share to live the "simple" life, like herself-
On stolen land, which she will commercialize and vulgarize to death, and whose critters her uprooting earthworks are already displacing or killing.
Like their beloved Israelis, the Kushners will deform and poison any landscape they touch.
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